It is not hard to see, from these quotations, some of the complexities that couples who transition together face as they work through the multiple layers of relating pre and post transitioning and taking on aspects of the new gender. This is further compounded when children and extended family members are also involved and themselves are struggling in their own right to make sense of the transition. This is especially important given that we know that relationship commitment can serve as an important coping mechanism when dealing with the complex feelings concerning gender identity (Hines, 2006).
Koken et al (2009) suggest that therapists’ awareness of the impact of stigmatization and the need to help the individual or couple tap into sources of support within the family network is essential for optimal development and adjustment of the trans identity. Yet, despite the important role that therapists play in the lives of transgender and transsexuals, there is more than a suggestion that the field continues to practice selective mutism rather than effective practice. In that regard, we might characterize our own profession as being in something of a transition, although a number of couple and family psychoanalysts appear to be working with trans clients and I imagine that their work in this area will in time also contribute to the development of theory and practice.
The Couple Psychoanalytic Perspective
Psychoanalytic theories have voiced an almost complete opposition to gender reassignment surgery, historically comparing it to psychosurgery.
Yet, at the same time psychoanalytic thinking and practice has provided important developments to our understanding of complex intra-psychic phenomenon that is often rooted in human suffering. Part of the translation from individual to couple therapy lies in the therapist being able to hold what Morgan (2005) refers to as ‘a couple state of mind’, since the couple therapist will inevitably be searching for some preliminary understanding of the area in which the couple’s shared anxieties and unconscious phantasies lie. Within this endeavour, the couple is encouraged to consider underlying behaviours in an effort to help them move from a place of judgement and reaction towards understanding. Utilizing the application of this thinking, I will explore the presentation of a couple struggling to manage the disclosure of a partner’s gender transition and reassignment in the context of their relationship.