After work on Friday 25 February, Heike arranged to meet Schad. She thought they would go for dinner and then to the theatre, with her diaries detailing her dreams of leaving her domestic service to become an actress, but Schad’s note to Richard Huelsenbeck, posted earlier that week, suggests that he never intended to meet her in public.3 ((Richard Huelsenbeck (1892-1974) – Dadaist poet and co-founder of the Cabaret Voltaire. ‘Welt-Dada’ was his nickname within the post-war Berlin group, and translates as ‘World-Dada’.))
Welt-Dada,
Went to El Dorado to find The Model – Heike. She – he – is Uranian – an invert – but thinks I’ll make her the new Pola Negri – will take her to a hotel – see what transpires.
*
Heike’s diary for Tuesday 1 March gives her side of their encounter in Berlin’s Hotel Adlon.
I got to the Adlon at 5pm. From Morning to Midnight by Georg Kaiser was on at the Neues Schauspielhaus, and I asked if we could go. “I need the time to paint you,” said Christian. I saw that his easel was already set up. He drew the curtains. “Take off your clothes and lie on the bed”, he told me. “Would anyone cast me if I was famous for being naked?” I asked.
“How do you think Garbo got on Joyless Street?” he replied, laughing. “Take off your clothes and lie down.” He glared at me as I removed my hat. He stared at my hairline, then caught my eyes. I turned around and took off my blouse, and then my shoes and skirt, and started to pull down my stockings. “Keep them on”, he said. I turned back to him. “Just the stockings.” I took off my bra and the inserts, and he just stared at me as I put them on the floor. Then I removed my drawers and lay on the bed.
He looked at my penis. I thought he was going to be one of those men who vomit, but he just stood there, breathing heavily. “I thought you said we transcend sex.” Silence. “The Doctor says we’re more beautiful than other women, because we have to-” He threw me onto the bed. “Enough about Hirschfeld!” He kissed me. I thought he was going to kill me, he was so coarse and so rough – he just wouldn’t stop. Finally, he got tired.
“I know what you’re thinking,” he said, looking at my sex again. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“They’ll send me to prison!” He looked into my eyes. “I’m not an invert!”
“No, you’re not,” I said. “I’m a woman, and as soon as Dr Abraham gets there with Dora, I’ll be complete.” 4 ((Dr Felix Abraham (1901-c.1938) performed the world’s first sex reassignment surgery on Dora Richter in 1931. This was documented in his book, Genital Reassignment of Two Male Transvestites, published later that year. )) He laughed. “You’re all the same, aren’t you? Hirschfeld, Abraham – you just let them own you!” I stroked his hand. “Are you jealous of them?” I said. He turned me over and screwed me harder than I’d ever been screwed. I screamed. “Be quiet,” he whispered, “someone might hear.” Then he stopped and shoved my face into the pillow. I sat up and looked at him. He slapped me hard on the cheek. He sat with his back to me.
“My wife … my son …”
I stared at the wall.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“I’ll talk to Conrad and Marlene”, I replied. “They’ll introduce me to Pabst and Lang. I’ll start with bit parts but they’ll see, and once they do, I’ll pay for your art, I’ll-”
“Shut up, you idiot!” he said. “They might make films about freaks but they don’t cast them!”
“I thought you liked freaks,” I said, reminding him that Marie had seen him at the Onkel Pelle.5 ((A fairground in the Wedding area of Berlin, frequented by Schad. His painting Agosta the Winged-Man and Rasha the Black Dove (1929) featured two performers from its sideshows. ))
“Not when they seduce me!” he yelled. He stood over me. “Should I leave?” I asked. He nodded. “I’ll go,” I said, “just don’t hit me again.” He didn’t move. “I’ll put on my clothes, just let me out!”
Silence.
“What about the portrait?” I asked.
“I can do it from memory,” he said.
He went and stood by the window. I got dressed and went to the door. “Goodbye, then.” He looked at me and then turned back. I heard him open the curtains as I left.
*