I am not afraid of my own death, as it is other people’s premature deaths that haunt me, although I will confess that I am afraid of uncontrollable pain. I live in constant fear of other people’s untimely and premature death. Yes, seize the day! I find it hard not to be tactless and dismissive of ‘timely’ deaths by which I mean beyond the biblical three score and ten, although as the years move on I struggle not to change my measure. My father was snatched away from me, my mother disappeared before I was six and my small grand children’s father was not spared; my analyst died almost before my eyes. Why would I now want to work under the exclusive authority of any theoretical father except my own integrity, my continuing desire for knowledge, personal development, supervision and an ethical desire first of all, to do no harm?
